Wake up. Feed cats, dog and goldfish. At breakfast, remind daughter to stop telling kids at school that we are related to Hitler. We are not even German.* She is half-Irish (me), half-Ivoirian (dad). Daughter is bleary-eyed from watching too much Vicar of Dibley last night, but agrees. Now off to work! Or not. For […]Read more "Day Six: Why Everyone Should Write from Bed"
Wake up. Feed cats, dog and goldfish. Daughter has become obsessed with the Jacksons and breakfast is like a Bible study session: Joseph and Katherine begat Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon, Randy, Michael, Rebbie, La Toya, and Janet. Tito begat Taj, Taryll and Tito Joe “TJ”… Rebbie begat Austin…Michael begat Prince, Paris and Blanket… Her best friend has […]Read more "Day Five: How You Too Can Be a #1 NYT Bestselling Author in One Easy Step"
Wake up. Go to feed cats, dog and goldfish. Giant dog food bag is shaking. Has some kind of wild animal in it. Take bag outside. Slowly tip bag. Hear frantically scrabbling claws. When bag has reached 85 degree angle, opossum slides out. Stands there doing catatonic opossum thing while I go back inside to […]Read more "Day Four: My Fake Son Is Abducted"
Wake up. Feed cats, dog and goldfish. Over breakfast, daughter hands me typed list of all the ways her best friend’s life is better than hers. It is four pages long, single-spaced. Includes: he has a TV and phone in car he is aloud to have soda he is aloud to sit in the front […]Read more "Day Three: My Car Is Dissed by a 10-Year-Old"
Wake up. Feed cats, dog and goldfish. Need extra coffee because daughter refused to sleep in her bed last night. She is terrified of the ghost of Carl Switzer. Me: Who the hell is Carl Switzer? Google it. Discover that this is Carl Switzer. Not sure how this happened. Reassure her Alfalfa is not lurking […]Read more "Day Two: Mailchimp Fiasco"
Wake up. Feed cat, dog and goldfish. Tell 10-year-old daughter that she will get her allowance *next week*. Why? Because Mommy’s a writer, honey. Asks me if I’m famous. Awkward silence ensues. Now, off to work! Spend morning reading advice book from best-selling YA author on how to plot character arcs, both emotional and action. Review […]Read more "Day One: The Art of Procrastination"